remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
