This is not my ceiling
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
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