btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I haven't been this sober since birth.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
