Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
She even gives head with a lisp.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
