Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
