just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
