one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
