At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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