I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
