508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
