$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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