Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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