apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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