you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
