The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
