did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
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