i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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