My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
vagina is talking i cant
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
