The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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