so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
that's an acceptable place to lick
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
