My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
