She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
