note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
