I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
