How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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