Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
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