You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
