I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Randomize
