did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
