Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
