The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
did i walk over a car last night?
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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