She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
