Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
