I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Randomize
