A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Randomize
