I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Green mimosas i think yes
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
