So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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