the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
