Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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