we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
