Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Nobody cheats on THIS.
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