I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Randomize
