Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
