dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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