Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Randomize
