I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
