To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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