I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
