I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I just cut my nipple shaving
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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