I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
