I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
