when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Randomize
