what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
